Your body: you ignore it while you can and then you hit 35 and the little bugger starts to draw attention to itself. It generally begins with a hangover. Not a twelve-vodka-tequila-shots-on-an-empty-stomach-hangover, but an inability to bounce back from two glasses of wine sipped in a civilised manner over dinner. “Why do I have a . . .

Salma eats fish for breakfast, Denny drinks whisky and Lorna sits in prayer. I eat cereal, and cake on Mondays. We all like biscuits. They say C2s buy bourbons and live in flats, and C1s earn £30,000+ and eat out twice a week. Averages frustrate me; we're all exceptions. People have always intrigued me. I wanted to know everyone at school, out of school, the exchange students, anyone that entered my world. I once . . .